Is that a grenade in your fireplace log, or are you just happy to see me? http://t.co/ZdZgyi8SRV
New Ayn Rand novel! John Galt says fuck it, drops LSD, visits multidimensions, chats up Buddha, opens hemp farm http://t.co/IdcLOdoo2U
California’s drought worst since Charlemagne was emperor of Rome. http://t.co/BRiZEQDibC
Economy fully recovered, wages up, unemployment down, gas prices record low. Damn you, Obama! http://t.co/UFUEpP6nrY
Try this one amazing tip for perfectly cooked burgers every time. http://t.co/AEaFLDbvOJ
Dear God, PLEASE send us more teens like and Smith. Wow and astonishing. http://t.co/hHYSHzRJ7q
Grinning, pants-less, hole-loving, hermaphrodite sugar addict banned from Polish playground. http://t.co/pFCd3ZSkET
Science: 80 million bacteria are transferred in a 10-second kiss. Far more if you’re messy and sloppy and naked. http://t.co/b91uiihIk4
Your odds of getting struck by lightning are going up exponentially. Because global warming. http://t.co/aop7WxwtpU
Jesus was a Buddhist, hooked up with Mary Magdalene, had a couple kids. Why not? Just as likely as anything else. http://t.co/A8LDw2eXZi
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